confession to nature, childhood and neighbours

To nature, childhood and neighbours

I’m sorry for not showing you that I love you. I keep denying that i like spending time with you. We used to hold hands and talk to each other, without keeping any secrets; we were honest. I would run to you, not because you asked me, but because you called. I thought you were everlasting; my fears only appeared when i realized you were gone.

I’m panicking. Who am i? Why am i here? Why am i so far from you? Where did i go? Who took me away from you?

I’m talking to you baby!

Everything you did to me that fulfilled my desires is buried in an island off in space. I don’t know where to find you! No one around me knows where you are either. Are you dead? Did you get kidnapped? Why would you ever leave me?

I know i should have told you i love you. I’m sorry! I didn’t know you would leave me and i never thought i’d be so lost and hurt without you. I’ve been desperately crying and taking so much medication. No one knows what’s wrong with me. I keep pretending like i’m fine and i want to forget it all. I want to forget that i ever had any feelings for you.

Maybe i hated you for the longest time. Maybe i knew why you left me but never wanted to face it because i’d feel like i would hate myself. I think all along i thought i could keep going and that i’d get somewhere where i’d be so in love that i would forget you and prove to myself that i could be healed.

Now, i realize that i just need to stop and appreciate what i lost so i can find my way back to you. I promise i’ll come back to you.

I love you.

Filed under: community, creativity, future, life, love, philosophy, sustainability

do good: be bad to yourself

That’s right, I mean it. If you want to do any good, you have to beat yourself up. It’s pretty easy though, just be a normal human being and strive for conquering the world. Why not aim to be the king, queen, prince or princess? To get to the top, you have to fight for it. What, you thought you could just climb the ladder, step by step, go higher and higher and you’ll get to the top of some roof and from there you can see other roofs and you’ll be happy sitting on top of roofs, chillin’ having a beer?

Well, sure, the ladder is meant to get you up. Everyone’s solution of what to use to get you up is to get a ladder. What if the ladder was never there? What if it wasn’t so easy to get up? What if all you had was your body and the urge to climb? You might find some tools and dig at making some steps, or call over a friend to lift you up, or make a rope somehow. Did I even mention what it is that you are trying to climb? I leave that up to you. Do you even need to climb? Who am I to tell you that you need to climb?

Design is the same way.

We’re talking about doing good, being good, yadi yadi ya. Come on people. What is good? Having a big house for my family in 2 cities and 3 beaches so my children can appreciate a wealthy life full of joy and no worry for money? Or, is good working in a non-profit organization, making ads for anti-poverty campaigns? Who is anyone to tell me what is good for me? The only good I know of is my strive for improvement on every level in my life. The only good I know is when I don’t listen to people around me who think they know what is good for me, and for themselves. The only good I know is when I listen to everyone and make my own decision on what is good for me, for others, and act on it.

So much for social design. I say kick yourself in the ass for not doing what you are capable of doing. That’s how you do good.

Filed under: design