You’re wrong.
I’m a monster. Just like you.
Calling yourself good or nice is probably the most untruthful thing you can do and the worst path to pursue in promoting yourself in thinking that you are doing good for the world.
This might shock many of you who know me that might be reading this. Over the last few months I’ve realized some things about myself and the world that have spun me around.
I gave up a couple years of my life, or should I say gave in, to a passion for improvement and innovation. I pretty much became the project, the idea, the vision I was pursuing, and let everything about it become me. I left myself behind to explore myself and who I really was. I kept pushing, pushing, pushing for more, more, more. Talked to thousands of people, spread myself out, connected spirits and tapped into hearts. I’ve been called an idealist, altruist, agent of change, a kid with stars in her eyes and anything else you can imagine that falls under the category of hippie or activist.
I have a lot of love to give, that’s one thing. But I’m equally full of anger, greed and pride — sins maybe? I’ve been called brave and seen as a risk-taker. I would say however, that I’m a wimp and cannot manage to put up too long with mundane, institutional, conventional environments and people . So instead, I do what I want to do and find my own nice way to get out and do what I want with the body and energy that I have. If I was brave, I’d work within the system, be a tool and part of the majority of society that is risking their bodies and energy for the consumption of others.
I figured that I have abilities that convince people to throw money in the shit I talk about. I make it all up. None of it exists. I’m not nice. I just want to do what I want to do and forget me not, I have a lot of love. I think that’s all people see and they kind of just trust it…for some reason. Maybe because I’ve got myself convinced that I’m so good.
Love, my fellow humans, is the only thing I have. I’m absolutely not in control of it. It has attracted me to the right people in my life — good or bad I label them not. I’ve become self-aware and realized that I’m nothing but a selfish, honest, confident, angry and competitive five-foot-two Iranian-Canadian girl who wants to take out my athletic personality (body no more) to the next level in society.
I’ll tell you what’s real:
Fiction, science fiction, cartoons, drugs, graffiti, sex, war, sports, dance, comedy and of course music and art tie all of them together. Oh and don’t forget space and energy.
If you put love beside any one of those, you’ll get magic — not good or bad, just magic. Probably the closest experience you can have to reality.
Being nice to people is only so they like you and give you a hand when you need one. You cannot survive in this world on your own. So convince yourself that you’re nice when you’re really a monster. It’s just a game man, you’ve got no choice but to play, and might as well try not to be a loser.
Let your love lead the way — that means forget yourself, do it for the game.
Filed under: 1, life, love, philosophy
